When I look back at my work history, starting from the post graduation jobs up to the very present time, there is one thing that seems to be consistent throughout: I have never been fired from a single paying gig but I have been viciously screwed over by the people for whom I provided services for free! The-employee-of-the-month recognitions, the random appreciation gifts, the heart-warming good-bye parties is what I regularly saw from the people who remunerated me, on time, for the work I tried to excel in by putting all of my heart and soul into! And yet for the same amount of diligence, effort and dedication for my volunteer work, all I often ended up getting was a spit in the face in the form of jealous tantrums, failure of getting a credit, and, yes, being dismissed! And peculiar as it is, the same pattern has ended up translating into my personal relationships!


When I had just moved to the Netherlands several years ago, I opened myself to the new world and the new opportunities. One of the things that strongly appealed to me about the “little kingdom by the sea” was the business mindset of its people. Punctuality, responsibility, keeping promises – something deeply rooted in the Dutch culture of trading – was something I had tragically lacked in New York City! And therefore, I was looking forward to building up my social connections, including the romantic ones. And still, remembering how easily I have been disposed of by different characters – the reality I came to accept living in the Big Apple – it was a rude surprise to be faced by the same pattern in the Low Countries, albeit to a lesser extent! The unanswered texts, the hesitations to meet again (or at all), the pretending like we don’t know each other in public was the rotten fruit of my efforts having made myself too easily available. 


It was however when I started working as a masseur, it was the craziest thing how the tables suddenly turned. The same exact people made every effort to not only show up for appointments on time, but also adjust to my availability while addressing me in a respectful tone and often tipping me above the asking rate. And better yet, some ended up becoming regular clients who understand, and accept, that sex (oral or anal) is not part of my service – which also happens to be not exactly cheap!


“If you’re good at something, never do it for free,” a quote by the evil and murderous Joker makes me reflect on my past experiences – both when I was a “good Samaritan” but ended up being walked all over and when I was an “asshole” who stood his ground and somehow ended up getting the upper hand! Not only have these tough lessons taught me to appreciate myself as a worthy professional, to the extent of my knowledge and capabilities, but also gain enough confidence to stop chasing after every well-shaped, well-dressed and well-spoken character hoping they would be “the one!” Instead, I let them pursue me for a change, and then. . . I’ll think about it!



January 23, 2018

I let them pursue me for a change, and then. . . I’ll think about it!


Of all the tempting situations to get involved with someone intimately, workplace seems to be one of the more popular ones! It is not uncommon that communicating with someone on a regular basis in a familiar environment can help spark a more personal interest. Being related by similar backgrounds and connected with the same work activities can build certain...


In the light of the recent witch-hunt, I cannot help but reflect on my own experiences to try to weigh in on the heavily publicized topic, known to the wide audience as #MeToo! Not giving it much significance initially – another sex scandal, another vile scum, another sucker victim (pun intended)  – I sat back and watched the shit bubble explode ...


It seems like when someone uses the word “ugly” for another person, oftentimes it’s meant to indicate how unattracted they are towards that person’s physical features. Face, eyes, nose, mouth, body shape, etc. is sufficient ground for dismissal should we decide it does not agree with our taste. And although I do not see anything abnormal ...


“Emotions are all we got!” That was the last phrase of Harvey Keitel’s character in Youthbefore he jumped from a balcony to his death betrayed by a bitch he had admired, played by Jane Fonda. 

The more I talk about the physical part of intimacy in my articles, the more I realize how much I must chip in my two cents about the big ...


Based on Gay Sex in the City column from Gay&Night magazine, published in Netherlands and  Belgium and the blog entries, the e-book is available for download on GooglePlay, AppleBooks, Kobo, Barnes & Noble and more


Misha M is a columnist and an author. In the blog he shares his sexual adventures, the lessons that he learns and the suggestions he has to give