Sex can be both good and bad for you. Good, if you do it right: a boost in mood, restful sleep afterwards, a more-or-less lasting relationship. Bad, if you don’t: unpleasantly painful experience, embarrassing accidents, a disease! Sometimes it’s a matter of knowing what you are doing. And yet most of the time it’s about wanting to know what, or whom, you are doing! But how do you really know what, or whom, you are doing? 

To one, a quick fun at Oeverlanden, the official outdoor cruising area of Amsterdam, is as far as it goes to (want to) know someone. To another, a ten-year marriage with kids is still a learning process. Having “gotten to know” different men on different levels, from one-night stands to longtime friends, there’s one thing that seems to be consistent throughout: the better the communication, the more gratifying the relationship! Be it business, friendship, romance, or just pure sex. Right . . . back to sex! 

We all have different tastes: the amount of the facial hair, the strength of the body odor, how much tongue we like to use, how rough we like it, etc. But how do you find the person who likes what you like? Someone on the same wave! And if not, the person who would want to try what you like? Or better yet, the person who’d make you want to try something new, so you might just enjoy it? 


In my personal experience, the key mostly lies in the manner of how you approach and communicate. A patient and respectful way of expressing what you like, or don’t like, as well as being open to read signals, verbal or non-verbal, seems to work magic on both parties. A brusque, bluntly direct, and at that an uninformed approach during the intimate encounter can result in an immediate turn-off! One must keep in mind that, even though sex is something generally considered to be dirty and inappropriate, your chosen partner bares not only his physical but also emotional sensitivities to you. 

So if you like it rough, introduce it to them gradually, don’t just start punching the life out of them! Conversely, if you don’t want your partner to bite your nipple, gently covering it with your hand should be enough to let him know that you are not into it, instead of verbally scolding him for doing this! A tight bottom trying to control your thrusting movements with his hands is probably in pain and doesn’t want to be. A dark room encounter pulling his face away when you are trying to shove your tongue down his throat probably doesn’t like the way you kiss, or maybe just doesn’t want to get a disease!


February 1, 2015


When we say “active” or “passive,” inadvertently do we mean “top” or “bottom,” respectively. Without always thinking that a bottom can also play the active version of his role and take charge, many assume that it’s exclusively up to the top to make the experience pleasant. Whether giving a break to the hard working top or simply preferring the “cowboy” ...


When we score a hot person, be it outside or inside the bedroom, there is nothing unusual about wanting to impress them with the best moves we’ve got! It’s always fun during the play to not only observe the partner’s reaction but also to discover your own talents as you experiment to make it more interesting. And yet since showing your inventiveness is mostly about letting them know how ...


Of all the tempting situations to get involved with someone intimately, workplace seems to be one of the more popular ones! It is not uncommon that communicating with someone on a regular basis in a familiar environment can help spark a more personal interest. Being related by similar backgrounds and connected with the same work activities can build certain expectations ...


Having arrived in the fabulous Kingdom of the Netherlands after more than a decade spent in the very conservative Manhattan, where staff in cruising bars can expel you for the “inappropriate” behavior or where the police can jail you for a blowjob in a park, I have felt quite some liberation of the universal accessibility to sex anytime anywhere. 


Based on Gay Sex in the City column from Gay&Night magazine, published in Netherlands and  Belgium and the blog entries, the e-book is available for download on Amazon, AppleBooks, Kobo and Barnes and Noble


Misha M is a columnist and an author. In the blog he shares his sexual adventures, the lessons that he learns and the suggestions he has to give

an uninformed approach during an intimate encounter can result in an immediate turn-off!