“Emotions are all we got!” That was the last phrase of Harvey Keitel’s character in Youth before he jumped from a balcony to his death betrayed by a bitch he had admired, played by Jane Fonda.
The more I talk about the physical part of intimacy in my articles, the more I realize how much I must chip in my two cents about the big elephant in the room: that very favorite topic about which songs are composed, films are shot and books are written. The primal and unavoidable emotion the best of us sometimes hate to have! It makes us cry, it makes us laugh, it makes us move mountains, cross oceans. It makes us depressed, helpless, angry, brave. It awakens the worst in us, it awakens the best in us. . . and, more likely than not, all at the same time!
A creepy thought went through my head recently when a friend of mine told me how, in his opinion, ninety percent of people do not express their feelings to the person they like. Whether that scary percentage is true or not, it’s awful to realize how some choose to hide their emotions for the fear of being humiliated, heartbroken or inconvenienced. Being the cupid’s unassuming victim a long time ago in the past, I remember eating myself from the inside while being afraid to confess my feelings to one guy.
He did reject me after I had finally found the courage to tell him – in fact, he stopped talking to me – and yet the devastating feeling that came after, and lingered for several months, paled in comparison with the self-loathing while I was being scared to approach him. Subconsciously, I had felt that that very self-loathing would have lingered for much longer had I chosen to be a coward and not act according to how I felt.
Rejection is not a picnic, and the more you like a person the longer your heart will remain broken if the feelings are unrequited. And yet according to research “not expressing how I felt for someone” scores very high with old people when asked if they regretted anything from their past. Thinking that it would be the end of the world if the object of admiration does not respond positively, many settle for peace and comfort of living in a lie, self-hatred and the hatred for others! Shortsighted, some refuse to see the strength in confronting their weakness.
The only way out is through, psychologists say when they talk about overcoming fear in general. So when we take into account the most basic feeling there is, putting a positive energy into it enables us to improve and ultimately love ourselves enough to not be broken by a failed romance. And exactly that self-improvement was the biggest and the best product of my past heartbreaks, which I actually should be thankful for, as I would not be the person that I am today!
THE WEAKNESS OF LOVE
August 1, 2016
In a recent study among the British youth between the ages of nineteen and twenty-five, 49% of the participants declared their sexuality as "other than heterosexual." Hearing how many people realize their homosexual tendencies well beyond the age of 25, I cannot help but assume that the other 51% effectively shrinks as people grow older.
Sex can be both good and bad for you. Good, if you do it right: a boost in mood, restful sleep afterwards, a more-or-less lasting relationship. Bad, if you don’t: unpleasantly painful experience, embarrassing accidents, a disease! Sometimes it’s a matter of knowing what you are doing. And yet most of the time it’s about wanting to know what, or whom, you are doing!
SOMEONE ON THE SAME WAVE
As much as I love my idyllic Mokum, I have to admit to being a sucker for a spontaneous hopping on a train and ending up somewhere semi-exotic. One lazy weekend this past summer, it was Antwerp Centraal. After a scenic stroll through the medieval streets and a delicious lunch, I thought my Belgian mini-escape would not be complete without ...
A GENTLE MAN
Of all the tempting situations to get involved with someone intimately, workplace seems to be one of the more popular ones! It is not uncommon that communicating with someone on a regular basis in a familiar environment can help spark a more personal interest. Being related by similar backgrounds and connected with the same work activities can ...
SEX AND THE OFFICE
Based on Gay Sex in the City column from Gay&Night magazine, published in Netherlands and Belgium and the blog entries, the e-book is available for download on Amazon, AppleBooks, Kobo and Barnes and Noble
Misha M is a columnist and an author. In the blog he shares his sexual adventures, the lessons that he learns and the suggestions he has to give